The insecurities could stem from nearly anything, and each person is different, of course. The beauty of life is I dont have to deal with it. When people would ask me where she was, I would say she is at home watching tv. We have watched you go to family functions and wander outside or check your phone as we feel embarassed that our guests feel they are being ignored. We dont hate you we still love you and wanted to have this with you. Often I feel some women take care of everyone elses needs but forget about their own. My wife was obsessed about going out with another couple. And might I add that watching tv with her is no picnic as she sits there and passes gas for hours and hours. Your email address will not be published. They are costly to all of the above. Experts: Susan Winter, relationship . Ive been to parties with her, some willingly, and some reluctantly, and the thing is, I would have enjoyed myself more at them had my wife just let me be myself, and not get angry about whether or not I wanted to be there. It was really toxic and didnt survive. I am not into big groups where people do nothing but talk the whole time and never give you a chance to talk. Therapy can be very helpful for these kinds of situations. Eventually, she is at a bar and meets a man and starts having an affair. However, when my husband and I go to some place, like our sons weekly soccer event, my husband leaves me alone and start to socialize with other couples and men. My husband doesn't like to be touched (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images) QUESTION: I am a 33-year-old woman and married since last 6 years. Dont waste your time with women. You see, that is the crux. Sincere, gentle, soft, & femininely, works like a charm and makes me feel better too without stress. I dont care about anything a 3rd party has to say. I have acquaintances that I see two or three times a year and thats all the socialization I need. WRONG. What I cannot cope with are the rude, stupid, obnoxious pieces of shit that bother me and then call me a snob when they are horrible to contend with. Writing about her former. It is a fundamental part of who we are. It is not something that we should go to therapy to fix. Its completely different. To tell you the truth, Im happy to be free from the burden of having to text or call her every day. Because I feel men love to provide and make their wives happy and protects them. She can cry, yell, give me the silent treatment or anything else she wants to but I do what I want. Jealousy and control are often masks for insecurity, and it may be the very same insecurity that keeps a husband like Joe from making friends, or even feeling confident enough to connect with strangers at all. Steer him in the right direction if he is unable to keep up. Insecurity can also be a driving force behind obsessive codependence that need to be together all the time. Their partner might need to remind them to brush their teeth, shave, or shower. 3) Confront him. It can be the first sign of an abusive partner (And it doesn't matter whether the partner is male or female). First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying My husband has no friends or hobbies,) you might not think this is a big problem. Couples' counseling is off the table. 9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship. Other than that, I am fine on my own or with others. If his attitude doesn't change, you'll know where he stands and that there is no happy future here. My husband hates socialising Our agony aunt Mary Fenwick offers some words of wisdom on whatever is troubling you By Psychologies I've been married for nearly 20 years and my husband and I have two young children. An Introvert doesnt change into an Extrovert (unless its a temporary, necessary situation, like acting), and people should stop trying to change them. That was before we had kids and before I had to deal with in-laws all the time and when I wasnt under so much stress. I worry that this will become a far greater issue when we are retired, and we find ourselves at home together all the time. Show him that you are cool and with-it. Want to view Divorced Girl Smiling trusted partners? The words Jackie uses are almost verbatim with what I said to my ex, just add crying and pleading and the words Im afraid and chasm, etc. YOU. This isn't a rom com . The boyfriend needs to say no to some social events or have some control over the time he spends. The last few trips I've made alone, simply making excuses for my husband. I had to sell my laptop just for gas money. Chronic criticismeven for small things. Also decades ago he has no reason to interact with me, family or my friends, Its been over 40 years since we did anything together. After searching for a book club, a musical gathering, a cooking class, a pick-up sports group (or whatever strikes his fancy), the critical part is actually getting out of the house to attend these gatherings. Telling your partner you don't like them on any kind of repetitive basis is a form of verbal abuse. Try to enjoy it. 10. No matter how much (or how little) we seem to make, the problems [], Maintaining a successful marriage is hinged on communication. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . Leave him because he doesn't like hanging out with your family 3. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but I keep falling for straight men, Mywife's illness means no sexual intimacy. The truth is, you chose that person. Do NOT judge in ANY way how he spends his social time. After youve mentally checked out of a relationship, its hard to get the feelings back again, but I do feel were getting there. So I stopped socializing with her, I went out and met new people and suddenly realized there were people out there that I found interesting, who found me interesting and who I actually liked and enjoyed being with. There isnt anything wrong with not enjoying small talk, or shallow parties. Besides, youre bringing the hammer down pretty hard on someone you dont know. Feeling empathy for each others opinions, trying to give to one another, and being loyal to making the relationship work are the keys to staying together. Introversion is not something that we can just switch off. Over the years I have tried going out without her, but then I would feel resentment when everyone else is with their significant other but me. When introverts are ready to call it a night, extroverts are just getting started. Or it may be for more sinister reasons, such as . He's online but doesn't talk to you. If not, you have another set of decisions to make. Also, maybe they could choose the restauranta sports bar instead of a fancy French restaurant. Its not something that is a bad quality, or that you should be ashamed of. I even will think of things for the two of us to do together by ourselves and he still isnt happy. Shes an impulsive spender. I dont want to stop caring. A lack of mutual respect. 8. Not the spouse who was not what you wanted, that you chose, anyways. Its sad. We are, however, only a few years from retirement and a recent spell off work for me has highlighted what I fear may be a problem. By doing so, you are making a conscious choice that you want your relationship to be healthy and to thrive. I know he is hurt and has a hard time socializing but I feel equally hurt as I have had no indication from him that he understands how I feel. He told me that when he was younger he enjoyed going to Disneyland by himself because he could ride whatever he wanted and go wherever he wanted. I have an aunt that divorced her husband of 15 years because he refused to be social and would not take her dancing on weekends. My husband doesn't like to go out as much, doesn't enjoy meeting new people, doesn't need a social life to be fulfilled. Your husband may not even be aware of what he has done and how it has affected you. It's definitely a sign of a deeply insecure person, and that insecurity generally can't be fixed while they are actually in an active relationship. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. I dont mean that in a bad way, but if you want your business to thrive, you make good decisions, same as if you want your marriage to thrive. You Don't Feel Good About. Antisocial personality disorder is a mental condition in which a person has a long-term pattern of manipulating, exploiting, or violating the rights of others. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. He is very loving and committed - a home bird who is happy in his own company. Our agony aunt Mary Fenwick offers a new perspective on your problems and challenges. There is a saying that says what may work for you may not work for me. When I would tell her what my response was to people who asked, she would get mad that I said that, because she was embarrassed about it. Stop yourself from contemplating the thought, "my husband is not affectionate or romantic.". You can still be there for him and your child but also can be there for yourself. Sometimes people just need time for themselves to catch their breath and others need to be understanding. Behind The Behavior Any time jealousy becomes an issue in a marriage, that's a big red flag that there are some underlying problems going on. What It Is Like To Fall In Love After 50? Another piece of advice. That is not her idea of a fun evening. Women hold us to yet more standards (as opposite sexes do). When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. 2. I guess were having a crapfest on men here. I hate feeling drained from social interaction. Im sorry, it doesnt work that way. Its tough, I know if I am honest shed rather be out chugging beers with her friends or hanging out with them and their husbands than me. If your husband feels like the only time you are talking to him is to tell him something that he's doing wrong, then that is going to come across as nagging and he's going to eventually start tuning you out. Hope this helps. I try to make his family gatherings- in fairness, I more often than not, make it, as I also need to chase after our little ones! I think the most hurtful thing about my separation was realising that the person I married couldnt give me that. Im so much happier single. What I wanted from my wife was acceptance. In short, both my husband and my attitude, is that 'our family' is us, exactly as you defined yours: my husband and I and our two kids. But accommodating the needs of your partner cuts both ways. I cant tell you how many have asked me after our separation if he has Aspergers or something. He is 4years older than me and just doesnt want to do anything. Do NOT mock your husband for doing so. If women want to help, they MUST allow one of the above to suffer. Frankly, none of those questions matter. Aug. 17, 2018. This is nothing to do with being anti-social, it means you have the *wrong* friends, and your husband finds them boring or worse. If your situation has gotten really hopeless, in other words you dont know what to do about your antisocial spouse, say these words to him: Right now, I really, really care about us and the survival of our relationship. Wed like you to take our side once in a while when were in a dispute with other people, men or women. Ive never been the party type, not in the 14 years we have been together. I am the husband with no social life. I used to have the same problem, but I solved it with a compromise. Coupled with a spouse with no friends to speak of, this can be a glimpse at the real roots of both issues. The problem isn't your job. Why? Because you are not giving me signs that you care. Maybe he doesnt realize it. He promised before God and our families to be the best man he can be for me. There is a HUGE difference between being antisocial and an introvert. Theres nothing worse than feeling like your spouse is joining you unwillingly. Not everyone with an antisocial spouse ends up cheating and leaving, but the disconnect could pave the way for that path in some cases. Do the young ones even understand whats going on? He rebelled by working mid-nights all holidays, weekends and gave away all his vacation time. Making superficial small talk is excruciating for me. 4. And why in the world would I ever want to be with a group of people or double date? I see a theme on all sites answering this question. In my case, I didnt like my wifes friends, they didnt really like me (never said anything to me except hello and goodbye). Maybe your partner doesn't share the same political opinions as your dad, or they feel like your siblings always seem to have something negative to say, or they're just not vibing with your. Things we will put up with because we love so much other stuff about that person. Here are the psychological profiles of people who are shy, avoidant, and unsocial: Shy people: Are anxious about anxiety. We are completely different in terms of our social lives. 2. Its okay to be an introvert or not attending social functions. I feel I could have written this post. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Worse, it can have a seriously negative impact on your marriage if a lack of friends isnt intentional. I just hate shallow socializing. WEve been married 18 yrs and this issue has only gotten harder. Weve argued about this over and over. Someone above mentioned how they felt introversion is not something that can be fixed, and I agree. I too prefer smaller gatherings where you can hear yourself think and have a more meaningful conversation. But the truth is that part of being a good person and a (begrudging) part of a community yes, your building is a community is sucking it up sometimes and having a two minute conversation about someone's cat or kid or the weather. That is my issue. Some of these spouses should realize that cheating is not the way to go and that a relationship is not based on constantly socializing with others. While you might be all of these wonderful things, and a truly good, caring, kind person, if never wanting to go out and do stuff is a problem for your spouse, then it is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. Phil and Kimberley rightly feel like they didnt get acceptance from their ex. By Jackie Pilossoph, Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. Im begging you to help me save us. Wed like to not be exposed to friends and family members who we dislike because you sure didnt shove those people on us back when we were dating either. 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